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It’s always too late to call
it’s always semi-stupid to think of
anything else crueler than you
that space that ends in “the unknown”
another place to drive to...
in order to not be here
I never failed as often as the first time I saw you
a black sketch for every missed hour or day
or week
a love bent backwards
in a constant state of regression
there’s a picture for every lame excuse we held
to not bother
a map of colored foot-prints
those experiences...in polaroid
a spiral of substances
viral intrusions
every clinging idiocy
every fucked up odyssey
while you count on something we'll never be
where is that drunken swirl?
That helps to dissipate your face
where is that familiar phrase?
that summed up that mini-century called “us”
Your narrow world will be crushed
then implode
eventually
and you’ll be the only Monster at ground zero.
That loneliest island
the terror of your interior
moving downward
in a bright and beautiful storm
in the arms that harm
those unnegotiable demons
the steady stream of un-communication
and the calm excuse of distance
a savior in a flying saucer
an irreversible stare
while those buildings burn...again
I’d drive forever
and you know it
patterns of disbelief
the sickening slide and walks to nowhere
houses still burning
eyes still blurring
it’s mass destruction and heartless quiet
confusion is no protector
no creative resolve
the impossible compression
2300 miles to chaos
2300 miles to sanity
2300 miles to nowhere at all
the space collapses
with air...thinning
thinking
where is that island of monsters?
that horrible thought
and mental mis-cue
space is not the place
for a being in flux
for a final approach
or an aborted mission
pre-destined or not
those monsters are gone.
For some reason I'm totally inspired to write brought on by the past years events and also by watching old and amazing Japanese Kaiju films and TV shows. Here is the first of many pieces that will be coming from this new inspiration. = )
ULTRAMAN
I am
impervious
super-human
anti-feeling
un-shakable
un-emotional
the remover of the edge
I am
trance inducing
without fear
without pain
without thought
outside of everything
I am
a golden being
un-affected
un-infected
without tears
numb to everyone
I am
that stable something
that solid-esque rock
made of dust
an emotionless sponge
a prophet of support
I am
weakless and narrow
vivid recklessness
flawed perfection
a silent siren
a plague of warning
I am
handsomely invisible
horridly flexible
a blind post
complex and obvious
shallow and warm
forever OK
I am
ULTRAMAN.
Appliances have gone berserk
I can not keep up
Treading on people's toes
Snot-nosed little punk
And I can't face the evening straight
you can offer me escape
Houses move and houses speak
If you take me there you'll get relief
Believe, believe, believe, believe...
And if I'm gonna talk
I just wanna talk
Please don't interrupt
Just sit back and listen
Cause I can't face the evening straight
you can offer me escape
Houses move and houses speak
If you take me there you'll get relief
Believe, believe, believe, believe...
It's too much
Too bright
Too powerful
Too much
Too bright
Too powerful
Too much
Too bright
Too powerful
Too much
Radiohead....yep...
Reckoner
Can you take it with you
Disavow your pleasure
You were not to blame for
Bittersweet distractors
Dare not speak his name
Dedicated to all you
All your needs
Because we separate
It ripples on a blank shore
Because we separate
It ripples on a blank shore
Reckoner
Dedicated to all you
All your needs
2008, this is the first new year in a long time that I enter not knowing a damn thing about what to expect. So much happened last year both amazing and crippling. I enter this year with no real "nu-vision" of myself, I have some ideas but I have no clue how they will pan out. I feel a bit trapped, alone, creatively at a real cross-roads, and emotionally numb. In a way it's like being kind of a kid again...I can do anything I want really, but the practical "older person" in me is keeping me in check or even holding me back maybe. My brain has had to totally shift gears in many ways these past few months, I'm still trying to process much of it and I have no Idea what the outcome of all that processing will be, I'm just trying to remain somewhat focused and somewhat open to whatever but I must admit at times the fear, the anxiousness, and the sadness of it all feels like way more than I can handle. TIME I guess (fucking cliche'), first and foremost I know I have to get the fuck outta this town and back to the west. From there who the fuck knows. Sometimes I just want to sleep and wake up years from now with little or no memories of 2007...sometimes but then I'd be missing a fuck-load of amazing memories if I did that, maybe some of the best of my adult life maybe.
As for ART I'm starting to look backwards at work I've done and trying to formulate where the current work should go (the above image was done in 1996) I know myself and what I love and what elements need to be present, I'm just not sure how to move it all forward, how to move myself and my mind forward, when I was a kid there were easy answers or at least easy distractions from the answers. I'm interested to see what unfolds in the next few months, there is really nothing at all that I'm looking forward to even though I have some (what should be fun) stuff to do, it all seems so insignificant right now. I need to sleep more and think less maybe. The drag is that right now everything is a reminder of something I don't want to think about, The trip back to California just made it more clear where I want to be and where I DON'T want to be. If nothing else 2008 should be a pivotal if not defining year and that in itself is exciting indeed.
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