A New Year....

2008, this is the first new year in a long time that I enter not knowing a damn thing about what to expect. So much happened last year both amazing and crippling. I enter this year with no real "nu-vision" of myself, I have some ideas but I have no clue how they will pan out. I feel a bit trapped, alone, creatively at a real cross-roads, and emotionally numb. In a way it's like being kind of a kid again...I can do anything I want really, but the practical "older person" in me is keeping me in check or even holding me back maybe. My brain has had to totally shift gears in many ways these past few months, I'm still trying to process much of it and I have no Idea what the outcome of all that processing will be, I'm just trying to remain somewhat focused and somewhat open to whatever but I must admit at times the fear, the anxiousness, and the sadness of it all feels like way more than I can handle. TIME I guess (fucking cliche'), first and foremost I know I have to get the fuck outta this town and back to the west. From there who the fuck knows. Sometimes I just want to sleep and wake up years from now with little or no memories of 2007...sometimes but then I'd be missing a fuck-load of amazing memories if I did that, maybe some of the best of my adult life maybe.

As for ART I'm starting to look backwards at work I've done and trying to formulate where the current work should go (the above image was done in 1996) I know myself and what I love and what elements need to be present, I'm just not sure how to move it all forward, how to move myself and my mind forward, when I was a kid there were easy answers or at least easy distractions from the answers. I'm interested to see what unfolds in the next few months, there is really nothing at all that I'm looking forward to even though I have some (what should be fun) stuff to do, it all seems so insignificant right now. I need to sleep more and think less maybe. The drag is that right now everything is a reminder of something I don't want to think about, The trip back to California just made it more clear where I want to be and where I DON'T want to be. If nothing else 2008 should be a pivotal if not defining year and that in itself is exciting indeed.